Rob & Chyna: everything you want to know even if you didn’t want to watch

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As an avid Reality TV consumer, it takes a lot for me to consider a show a “must see”. Truth be told, I am not, and have never been that big of a “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” fan – however, I have always been a fan of Robert Kardashian himself. It seemed like perfect timing that after what felt like my 50th “what has happened to Rob Kardashian has anyone seen him” search – he emerged, with a new girlfriend, a new lifestyle, and now, a show to document it all. Therefore, “Rob and Chyna” made it to my “must see” list.

 

So far there have been three episodes that I can only describe as everything I have ever wanted in a reality show, but never knew I needed. Here are some key events, facts, and figures to help you all keep up.

 

  1. “Blac Chyna” is engaged to Robert Kardashian and is also the soon-to-be mother of the next female Kardashian. They met at  Robert’s sister Khloe’s wedding (back when he attended weddings) while Chyna was involved with the father of her first child, Tyga. Tyga is now involved with Robert Kardashian’s little sister, Kylie.
  2. I’m giving you this bullet to take all of that in. I had to read it a couple of times too, don’t beat yourselves up over it.
  3. “Blac Chyna” may sound too ridiculous to be a real name, because it is in fact, not her real name. Her name is Angela. No clarification on how she got “Blac Chyna” from Angela – I personally couldn’t even get “Cate” to stick instead of Catherine, so I’m giving her props for this one.
  4. Chyna (as I will now refer to her because all these quotation marks are making me dizzy) got her start at a strip club in Washington D.C. She’s very proud of this. She brought Robert to said club, they filmed it for the show, it was just as weird as you would’ve imagined.
  5. In their first two-on-one interview, Robert and Chyna laughed about how little money they have.
  6. It is important to note that Robert does not only have his very own expensive sock line, a new reality show he is currently being paid to shoot, but is also a Kardashian.
  7. Robert was legitimately inside for almost 3 years. 3 years! Whilst indoors, he avoided text messages from his best friends for months! He has missed Kim’s wedding, as well as every one of his best friends weddings. There is still no light as to how Chyna got him to sign up for a reality show.
  8. Robert doesn’t seem to understand why these “people” (said best friends who all had weddings he has missed for the legitimate reason that he didn’t want to get out of the house) might want to see him. Chyna invited them over during the most recent episode – it was interesting.
  9. Chyna’s mother also has a fun nickname, “Tokyo Toni”. It hasn’t been confirmed that she has any ties to the city of Tokyo itself.
  10. Scott Disick, Kris Jenner, and Kim Kardashian obviously make cameos. Scott is the most frequent, which is okay because he’s also the most hilarious.
  11. It isn’t clear currently if Rob and Chyna are still together. I repeat this isn’t clear. Within the first 3 episodes we have watched Chyna have a Facetime blowout whilst in the car with her friends, Robert has left the inside of a house, and “the booty” has been directly referred to no less than 24 times on air.

 

All in all, “Rob and Chyna” is Reality TV gold. The last time television hosted a show of this caliber, it was “The Jersey Shore”. I repeat “The Jersey Shore” is the closest thing to this brilliance of a program. Mark my words, “ARE YOU STILL TEXTING FEMALES” is en route to becoming the next “CABS HEEEAAH”.

 

Watch it, you’ll thank me later.

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